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I am trying to learn WordPress, the backend system that fuels our website here at FromWithin Coaching. But it hasn’t been easy. I write the blog, I hit save, I add photos, I hit save. And yet, each time, when I think I have it just so…I do something wrong and it deletes itself. I have written three times, a wonderful blog on Savannah Guthrie’s commencement speech this past spring, I have written about her wonderful message on how taking big leaps are truly more uncomfortable than scary, and often, they take us down a path that is better than the ones we wanted (especially when where we land is different than where we thought we should.) But for some reason, WordPress doesn’t want me to write about that speech. It wants me to write about mistakes – or as I call them, learning opportunities. For me, a mistake, isn’t really a failure. It is a learning opportunity. The number of times I thought I hit “save” and forgot to hit “save draft” means I had to learn, again and again, what to do when I post a blog. I don’t think that the opposite of success is failure, I think it is information. Because when something doesn’t go the way we think it should, don’t we learn something? Every time if we are looking for the lessons. Do we learn from our successes? Not so much it turns out. We pop the cork to celebrate, pat ourselves on the back and keep moving forward – not actually analyzing what went right…so how much do we actually learn as to why things went right. For me, I see the opportunity to expand my knowledge, is to not have things go well…or mistakes as some call them. I call them un-gift wrapped presents. Like this blog. It has humbled me, challenged me, and taught me. More than if I had successfully posted the first attempt at the blog – three times wasn’t a charm for me on trying to post the original blog, but it did give me a chance to share that when things don’t go the way you thought they should, they are often incredible opportunities to expand and grow. Maybe someday I’ll write what I was going to write about Savannah Guthrie’s amazing speech…but for now, I learned my lesson. Don’t push what doesn’t want to be written…learn from it instead. Ready to take what you thought were “failures” and turn the into information? FromWithin Coaching is here to help. And if anyone knowns WordPress and wants to barter for coaching – feel free to reach out! Humbly, Coach Amy  Know your history and what you can do with it…. (Her story, his story and the importance of your history.) What do you mean ‘know my history’ Coach LJ? As a career coach, I have the privilege to come and meet a lot of people from all walks of life. Different beings, different personalities, different upbringings and different stories. Those stories are a big part of who they are at the moment. It is a combination of unwritten rules of the family they are part of. The jobs and positions their parents held. Their siblings and their relationships with them. The schools and universities they went to. The friends they have the sandbox till now. Nine out of 10 times I ask my clients to write their own story, their autobiography. These stories are worth to be written down. Going through the motions of life and daily routines it is almost a necessary thing to do. Sit down, think your life over and then write. The remarkable thing is that everybody will write different stories. Not because the people are different. The story is different because he will start his story from the age of 8 years old because he vividly remembers an event from that time which made quite an impression. Someone else will cover her professional career up until now. Is there a “right story”? In writing your own biography, there is no wrong or right. What comes to mind at that writing moment in time will be written down. When you are done writing about 4 to 5 pages, I presume you will read it and maybe discover patterns, specific choice of words. Maybe you elaborated on a subject or timeframe a few pages. This is interesting information that might give you insights on your behavior, the jobs you choose, the companies you work for or even the partner you are with. There is so much hidden knowledge in your story. That is why I believe in this approach. I refer to this part of career coaching as the phase of taking inventory. What are all the pieces of information from your past that made the person that you are now? After the inventory. After having taken inventory and having made sense out of all the events from the past my client is able to pivot toward the present and the future. Depending on my clients’ initial ‘career’ question the path toward a solution or answer to this question can now be faced with more knowledge about oneself. To be a leader of oneself and possibly others it is a necessity to understand oneself. Or at least try! It can be daunting to sit down and write your own life story I understand that. Maybe there is a way to try it by keeping a journal of your current life. Or you might want to write down your accomplishments you have achieved so far. There are many roads that lead to Rome. To being a conversation towards “your story,” please consider setting up a 25-minute exploratory session with me. I look forward to hearing your story! – Coach LJ    I was going through my office last week and found the following books in my collection: “Coaching for Performance,” Coaching for Commitment,” and “Coaching for Dummies” (yes, I admit, I own several of the “Dummies” series on a variety of topics!). There has yet to be a publication titled, “Coaching for Flow,” or, if it exists, it has yet to land on my bookshelf. As viewed by the individual who coined the phrase, “flow,” Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, “flow” happens when “…the task at hand draws one in with its complexity to such an extent that one becomes completely involved in it.” They way I like to describe the experience to my clients is when time seems to stand still; when you’re so engaged in an activity that you look at a clock and realize several hours have passed. And you didn’t even know it! I had the honor of interviewing Professor Csikszentmihalyi at the Drucker Graduate School of Management (Claremont Graduate University) many years ago when I was completing a final project to receive my coaching certification. While receiving my coaching training I reflected on the “flow” concept and realized it’s a state of complete engagement and, often, utter satisfaction. How appropriate for a coaching strategy, to help clients land in a place where they experience “flow” several times a week, while working at their job, leading a team, or anticipating a career change. Dr. Csikszentmihalyi thought I was on to something and encouraged me to continue with that orientation, introducing “flow” into a coaching conversation by asking, “What are you doing when time seems to stop still?” More than likely that’s an activity, an environment, or a group that brings you deep pleasure; who wouldn’t want to bring as much “flow” into their life as possible? He went on to explain that the activities where we experience “flow” are “…intrinsically rewarding because their primary reward is simply in being involved with them…” as opposed to those that are extrinsically rewarding “…which we do only with the expectation of some gain, or to avoid being punished.” “Flow” is ultimately “…the matched balance of challenges and skills.” As a coach, I strive for that in my practice with clients. Life is challenging, no doubt. And it’s difficult not having the skills, confidence, or courage to deal with those challenges. Pay attention next time you realize several hours have gone by: What were you doing? Who were you with? Where were you? You may have been in “flow” without even knowing it…and wasn’t it a great place to be? To being a conversation towards “flow,” please consider setting up a 25-minute exploratory session with me at https://fromwithincoaching.com/team/lu-setnicka; I look forward to hearing from you. Contact me for a free exploratory session! -Coach Lu Setnicka [All quotes from an advance copy of “Good Business: Leadership, Flow, and the Making of Meaning,” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi]   “Oh, I can totally help you. Yes, I have two resumes due today for clients and still need to get a workout in and finish my taxes, but I can help…it’s only 8pm…I’ll just drink some chai and stay up all night…all good, I’ve got this…I can totally help you…”
Sound familiar? This is often my conversation on a daily basis with those I love. Well, sometimes it is with those I just like…hell, sometimes it is even with people I don’t like. I am a People Pleaser…and that leads me to do for others before I do for myself. But I am not just a People Pleaser, I am a People Pleasing Obliger (otherwise known as a PPO but not to be confused with Naughty by Nature’s, OPP song and innuendo…) A PPO is double trouble for someone who needs to hold herself accountable. I do for everyone else before I do for myself. That leads to me letting myself down on a regular basis, because what MY goals often get pushed aside for others helping them achiever THEIR goals. However, I have found a way to break free from the handcuffs I put on myself as a PPO and have learned to “self” myself. I hope this may be helpful for you if you self-describe as a People Please or Obliger. Or anyone who allows others’ wants and needs to get in front of their own wants and needs. It all starts first with understanding what an Obliger is. Gretchen Rubin, author of the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers, The Happiness Project and Happier at Home, has helped millions of readers to get happier. In her book, Better Than Before, she tackles the critical question: How can we make good habits and break bad ones? According to Rubin, “Know thyself and thy expectations and you’ll find success in changing your habits.” It’s very important to know ourselves, but self-knowledge is challenging. Rubin has found a way to sort everyone into four categories, which describe how people tend to respond to expectations: outer expectations (a deadline, a “ask” from a sweetheart) and inner expectations (write a novel in your free time, keep a New Year’s resolution). Your response to expectations may sound slightly obscure, but it turns out to be very, very important. Rubin shares that “knowing our tendency can help us set up situations in the ways that make it more likely that we’ll achieve our aims. We can make better decisions, meet deadlines, meet our promises to ourselves, suffer less stress, and engage more deeply with others.” In a nutshell, the Tendencies can be divided into 4 categories:
Oh….I just thought I sucked at setting AND getting the goals I set. But it turns out I don’t suck at it, my tendency is to help others set AND get their goals. Sound familiar? Do you do the same thing? Then keep reading… The other thing I learned about myself is that my Obliger Tendency also takes the form of People Pleasing…you know, the thing that makes you do things to make others happy…over your own happiness? So, I am a People Pleasing Obliger (PPO). I admit it. It actually makes me super valuable on a team – always doing for others on the team over my own needs, ensuring that everyone is happy, and all is well before I am well. Now, let me say this, I do get into “rebel” Obliger mode occasionally when I finally have my fill of doing for others and just dig my heels in and won’t do for others, but I feel like crap during that rebellion period and then feel shame for “failing” others…it isn’t pretty, the rebellion part and the feelings after. So it doesn’t happen often. But when it does, it leaves me exhausted. As a Coach, I find I am not the only People Pleasing Obliger in the world. In fact, with the clients I tend to attract, it appears to be a common trait. And that trait often creates issues for my clients. They do for EVERYONE else before they do for THEMSELVES…yet they often come to me to make change for themselves, and when I ask them what might get in the way of that change, they often admit, “Me and my need to please others and help them first over myself.” Ah yes, a sure-fire way to let others’ needs get in the way of your own needs. So, how does a People Pleasing Obliger help herself get out of her own way and tendencies and focus on what she needs? By “selfing”. Selfish vs. Selfing The issue is that most People Pleasers feel like if they live their lives pleasing only themselves, they become selfish like “those people” who they have spent their lives abhorring. You know the type, those self-involved, belly button staring people who always want to help you in your time of need with something that sounds like “Ohhh…. that totally happened to me, let me tell you what I did…” and so on. What I ask of my Clients who are PPs is to instead think of it more as “Selfing” versus “Being Selfish”. Selfing in nature means the self-pollination…this usually happens with flowers when they are alone in the field and don’t see their other kind…they have no one to share with yet the survival of their species depends on sharing and pollinating…so they self-pollinate or said another way, they self-grow. To me, asking my PPs to “self”versus being “selfish” is much healthier. Being selfish usually entails hurting someone else in the process…Selfing on the other hand never actually hurts anyone expect the person who doesn’t do it. But I had to practice selfing and not feeling selfish. Selfing isn’t easy for a People Pleasing Obliger. As someone who is a People Pleasing Obliger, I do have super powers…I can help others in times of need, but now that I know that I have this tendency to do for others before I do for myself, I have learned that when I decided to “self” myself (sometimes taking the form of taking a nap, passing on a project because it will force me to work over the weekend, or just sitting and watching every episode of “The Crown” back to back on a rainy day instead of cleaning my cellar), I needed to actually tell someone I am going to do that. A crucial element is accountability for me as an Obliger. Late fees, deadlines, monitoring, and consequences enforced from the outside is key to my success. And I am no longer embarrassed by that. When I tell someone that I am going to do it, I do it, right? So why not tell people that I am going to “self” myself? It works the same way. By telling others about my plan to “self”, I used my super powers of doing for others by actually doing the “selfing” because I didn’t want to disappoint them… Eventually, the more I “selfed” myself, the more I did it without needing the accountability factor – it became a habit and I no longer need the accountability…ok, well, as much. I still need accountability, but I am able to start to “do for myself” and it feels good. I may never be an Upholder, but I am no longer a believer that in doing for myself, I am not being selfish. I am self-pollinating…I am allowing myself to grow. And when I grow, anything is possible. I set AND get my goals. Ready to grow yourself and start selfing? FromWithin Coaching is here to help. Yes, we also work with Upholders, Obligers, and Rebels looking for support – no matter your tendency, if you want to set a goal AND get one, we can help. Happy to oblige, Coach Amy “Know Thyself, Be Thyself, Love Thyself” - Greek Oracle As a Life and Wellness Coach, I am committed to guiding others in their journey of self-discovery so that they may live empowered, meaningful, and impactful lives. I place incredibly high value on doing this personal growth work myself and it’s where I invest a lot of my time, energy, and money. I often refer to this journey as The Great Untangling as it involves peeling back layers of a lifetime of conditioned patterns, habits, and armoring in order to uncover the true essence of self. It involves cultivating deep levels of self-acceptance and self-compassion in order to understand and freely allow this life changing process of personal evolution to occur.
When we allow ourselves to go inward and navigate our lives from a place of true self-knowing and integrity, we are able to create the powerful life we want, one full of purpose and impact. We have the ability to achieve true success in all areas of life and to be free of self-sabotaging and self-defeating patterns and behaviors. A commitment to this self-discovery process allows us to become powerful creators of our own destiny. We happen to life instead of life happening to us. The first step into this deep dive of self-knowing is to determine our core values. Dr. John Demartini, a human behavior specialist and creator of The Demartini Values Determination Process explains that our core values are what we believe to be most important in life. They are the things in life inspire and energize us and are what we gravitate towards and fill our life with. They are the fundamental beliefs and standards of behavior that guide our actions and therefore the results we get in life. Demartini explains that our individual core values are born out of our voids or areas in life where we perceived an absence of them. For instance, if you grew up experiencing turmoil and a perceived lack of safety in your childhood or home life, you may hold peacemaking in relationships and needing a sense of security as high values in your life. You will gravitate towards people and experiences that provide this for you. My top value of self-acceptance and being true to myself and helping others do the same also came from my past of never being allowed to be myself. I was raised within strict social norms and with being expected to fit into what society expected of me. I learned to push down my thoughts and feelings and to not speak up for myself as it was always “wrong” or not acceptable. Other examples of core values are connection, dependability, growth and learning. Two people might have the same top core values but they will mean completely different things to each depending on their own individual past experiences and challenges. In this way, our hierarchy of core values are as individual to us as our fingerprint and they become our personal guidance system and the key to unlocking our unique “calling” or purpose in life. When we are living according to our highest values, we experience increased self-worth and expanded possibilities and opportunities. We are energized to pursue challenges that truly inspire us. Our capacities are maximized, our inner genius and creativity are able to be tapped into, and we are able to authentically shine and inspire others. Determining core values is the crucial first step in our journey into self-discovery and self-empowerment and in committing to living a created and inspired life full of purpose, meaning, and joy. -Coach Augusta The beauty of “good enough.”
I am a recovering “perfectionist.” I have been working hard for years to go from “everything HAS to be perfect” to letting in Brené Brown’s theory of “good enough.” Raised by a feminist single Mom, “good enough” wasn’t going to cut it for me, her little girl. “PERFECT,” although she never used that term, was what she encouraged me to aim for. It wasn’t her fault, lots of Moms were helping their young daughters in the ‘70s navigate the new message of “we burned our bras so you can be anything you want to be” and the added pressure to those of us who wanted to make those women proud. For years, when I aimed for "perfection," I was rewarded for that effort. It got me plenty of job offers, big salaries, and important job titles. It also gave me a lifetime of anxiety and perfection paralysis. I am not sure that way of living was worth any fancy job title or big salary. So, I’ve been trying something different. I quit aiming to be perfect, and instead, continue to aim for imperfect. And I take inspiration in the words of three amazing women who remind me it is safe for me to be imperfect. Coach Lindsey wrote an incredible blog recently on being a Beginner and the beauty of Beginner’s Mind…Not sure what Beginner’s Mind is? Lindsey reminds us that it is a Zen Buddhist belief that “when you embrace being a beginner at something, you are your most open and vulnerable. Therefore, you are in a state of constant learning and experimentation. You actively work on non-comparison and non-judgment because well, you’re just starting out. There’s no need to know everything.” Thanks, Lindsey, for that reminder. You know what I think is the best part of being a beginner? Beginners don’t have to be perfect. You get to do it messy. You get to do it “just so.” You basically have a “get out of jail free card” that allows you to be as imperfect as you want. But what has always amazed me is how uncomfortable folks are being in the “beginner’s stage.” We seem to immediately strive to be “perfect” at things that we just learned. Who in the world can actually achieve this kind of success? Not many actually, yet so many try to achieve this herculean feat. I say stay a beginner for a while and enjoy the freedom! Live in the imperfection of being a beginner and relish the learning. Other than taking on beginner’s mind, how does one take steps in becoming a recovering perfectionist? Well, keep being perfect, but change what you are perfect in. With this in mind, let me be honest, I am still a perfectionist, but I am perfect at being imperfect. It allows me to strive for success in something, all be it a bit different success than most people strive for. By being imperfect, you finally recognize your ego voice exactly for what it is: You are your own personal Success Prevention Expert. And that expert keeps you stuck. And that keeps you “as-is.” So, by my thinking, perfectionism actually keeps you stuck. And is the opposite of growth, that thing that so many perfectionists aim for. Ironic, right? I look to my “spirit animal,” Elizabeth Gilbert, who shares in Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear that, “I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more that a deep existential angst the says, again and again, ‘I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.” And finally, thank you to Coach Erika Gerdes who recently wrote in one of her recent blogs about her own inner critics that have kept her from making even the tiniest of movement, much less action that is perfect. Her honest, vulnerable blog inspired me to say it again, “let’s kick perfectionism to the curb and celebrate that we are enough!” If asking you to completely give up your perfectionism is too much, why don’t we aim at being perfect at being imperfect? Let’s nail that…my gut says we will get more done. And feel a hell of a lot better. Sounds perfect, right? -Coach Amy  Have you watched it? Or did the trailer scare you? With me it was the latter. It scared the living daylights out of me and I was about to never come back. But I came back and dared to watch it. Once I got used to the tone of voice and the images, I tried to enjoy it. You guessed it right, I am referring to Birdbox the movie with Sandra Bullock. She did a great job. Her lead role here was like hers in The Blind Side. In both films she takes care of others and does it very well.
I was fascinated to see how she used the birds in her birdbox to notify her that danger was coming or that she was in the middle of it. At the same time people had to close their eyes otherwise they would become victims of a force or notable enemy. In Birdbox, I saw analogies with my work as a Career Coach. When clients come to me for career coaching, eight out of ten times it is because they are blindfolded or do not rely on their warning system. They are not able to see, or only vaguely see, that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Life throws things at them which might be hard to digest or overcome. They do not recognize their own talents, or do not feel appreciated for them. Being blindfolded does not help you see what is out there and so it is nice to have a sounding board like me to help you get a clear vision on your talents, strengths and how to apply them wisely and effectively in your life and career. The upside to being blindfolded is that you are forced to concentrate on your other senses: hearing, touch, smell and taste. Although it is not a sense, I like to add intuition or gut feeling to this list. Your gut feeling or intuition in my opinion would be your Birdbox. More and more I have learned to rely on my intuition in life and in general. It will tell me whether I like the situation I am in or whether I would be able to work well with a prospective coachee. My birdbox is filled with intuition that helps me in daily life and with the choices I make. My question for you would be: What is in your Birdbox? This box is a toolbox containing all kinds of tools that make you aware of situations, people, and most importantly, Yourself. Are you blindfolded in your career? Do you know what is in your Birdbox? Would you like to figure out these things? There is an abundance of help out there. If liked what you read so far, please reach out to me or my colleagues at FromWithin Coaching. - L.J. Nieulant  With “New Year’s Resolution Season” upon us, many rush out to change themselves with the turn of the calendar page – it is almost like with that one day change that takes you from one year to the next, you will suddenly gain all of the will power you need to make the change that has eluded you all year. Or worse, you think that suddenly you will become the person you have always wanted to be…overnight, just because you resolved to do so. But I invite you to consider this year, instead of making a “New Year’s Resolution” that you instead consider making a life resolution and hire a Coach. Why a Coach? Because we think you are “enough” as you are. We believe that you hold amazing power, knowledge, and capacity as you are as a person, today. And that you are not broken and need fixing. Instead, we believe as Coaches, that you are enough and that the support that you need is about expanding that “enough”. We look to expand and reinvigorate the strengths you bring to the world every day. We remind you of the tools you already possess to not just set goals, but get them as well. We challenge you to not allow your “buts” (those excuses that often have the world “but” in the middle of them like, “I have always wanted to do that BUT I just don’t think I can survive on that salary) to get in the way of your dreams. We believe that the change you seek is most often the product of steady, sometimes circuitous effort; that what we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while. Our job is to help you create an environment of success around that steady effort. We take the long view of the game of change instead of the “30-day challenge” but by making it an expanded view of possibility and opportunity, our clients find a great deal more success that lasts a life time, versus just a short New Year’s Resolution period of time. But most importantly, we make help our clients identify that THEY are the most powerful ones to support themselves in this journey of change. And the ones they can trust the most when they become committed in change, not just interested. So instead of putting money down for a gym membership that you won’t use, a new pair of $200 sneakers that won’t make you want to run no matter their color, or invest in a new resume because surely is going to help you get clear about what you want out of life – contact a Coach. And let them walk through with you what is really important to you and let them help you see that you are enough as you are – and that change is indeed an important part of growth, let them show you how to navigate change to not only set the goals you want out of life, but get them. See you in 2020!  “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” ~Anais Nin The beginning of a new year represents a time of hope, a time for fresh starts, new goals and new connections to self and others. I find it perfect that the beginning of a new calendar year happens in winter, the season that calls for us to turn inward for reflection, self-acceptance, and self-growth. This nurturing energy of winter supports the opportunities a new year brings and invites us to be intentional and take stock of the previous year, to acknowledge any successes, reflect on what worked and what didn’t work, and to be honest about using this information to build upon and purposefully move forward into the new year with clear goals and visions for ourselves. Today, as I look to 2019 and to the continued self and professional work that I am committing to, I am deciding to chose a word to frame my year ahead. This word will embody the character of who I want to be and who I need to become in the upcoming year as I strive to make positive changes in my personal and professional life. This word will be the lens through which I focus my intentions and develop my vision, goals, and action steps for the year. My word for 2019 is COURAGE. Courage is a word often used to describe heroes or those who commit a heroic act in the face of grave or life threatening danger. These true heroes are indeed, courageous. However, the courage I am speaking of lives more on a spiritual plane, embodied in the heart and not always seen or recognized by others. This type of courage defines the small, daily acts that one takes to discover, honor, and live in alignment with their true selves. It’s in the ability to live with uncertainty and take action nonetheless, to understand that outcomes are not guaranteed and yet to trust and love what shows up. It’s in the decision to live a created life, a life on purpose and by design instead of a allowing a life of default and chance. As a Life and Wellness Coach, I have the honor to work with clients who show me this type of courage every day as they dive deeply within themselves to sit with, untangle, and reframe their insecurities and fears in order to move past them and achieve real success with their personal and professional goals. They model courage to me in their decisions to end dysfunctional relationships, overcome old patterns of self-sabotage, take risks and speak their truths for the first time or try new behaviors that are more aligned with their health and wellness goals. Courage is what paves the journey of many who begin the allowing of feelings, all feelings both painful and joyful. The greatest courage I often see is in the desire and determination of parents I work with to end dysfunctional familial patterns of fear, shame, or anxiety so that their children grow with confidence and a sense of self-worth and safety. This deep inner work can be messy, uncomfortable, and often times downright scary. It is, however, powerful, liberating and absolutely life-changing. It is work that I am daily committed to because as a Life Coach, I cannot take my clients any deeper than I have gone within myself. This work of personal growth and evolution is essential to me in my life. One of my favorite quotes by Margaret Young states “You first must BE who you really ARE in order to DO the things that will get you what you really WANT.” This being who we really are is all about the work of cultivating profound inner belonging and navigating from a place of internal validation, of knowing our self-worth and self-value instead of looking to others for approval or acceptance. It’s about listening to and honoring our inner guidance and inner wisdom and making decisions based on true self-knowing. It’s about working through the swirling thoughts and gripping sensations of fear in order to make daily decisions to lean into the discomfort and uncertainty of new growth territories instead of avoiding them by numbing with substances, food, busyness, care taking, or any of the other myriad of ways we numb to avoid. These small daily decisions of becoming take courage as we step out of our comfort zones. We absolutely do not grow inside of our comfort zones and by choosing to lean in and live at it’s edge, we push it out bit by bit. Actions that once took courage to do are soon done with ease and confidence and we can then lean in and find our edge again and continue growing and achieving. So, yeah, courage. It’s my word for 2019. It both challenges and excites me. What about you? How can you invite courage into your goals and dreams for 2019? What courageous boundary can you initiate within yourself or with others that will ignite a flicker of self-pride and have you standing a bit taller? What quiet moments can you weave into your busy day that can provide the space for even a fleeting presence of courage to step in and take root? Comment below or find me on Facebook to share how you can see courage playing a role in your life for 2019 or to share a different word that you come up with for yourself. I would love to hear! -Coach Augusta  It is normal this time of the year for my clients to ask what I think about New Year’s Resolutions. In fact, it happened just today. For those that know me well, they know that I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions (well, I did once, it was that I was never going to make another New Year’s Resolution ever again.) But this time of the year, we celebrate not only the new year ahead, but how we want to move into it differently from the year before. I’d like to suggest something I have been playing with for years instead of New Year’s Resolutions…I write two reflection pieces – one that is designed for me to reflect on what I learned during the prior year and one that helps me decide what to leave behind in the old year. I’ll unpack each in case you are interested in trying these reflections out instead of resolutions… The first – the “learning” reflection – is one that I have done now for ten years….it helps me catalog, inventory, and noodle over what the last year has brought to me in terms of lessons. As many of you have heard me say, failure is not the opposite of success, but instead lessons are. We have much to learn when life doesn’t go as planned…sure, these lessons are un-gift-wrapped messes on the outside but they are gems of wisdom when we open them up and truly look at them. So, my lesson list for 2018 is one that I will share both the lessons learned, positive and negative ones. An example of each is that I learned I enjoy Ethiopian food. An amazing restaurant offers a monthly meal of Ethiopian delights, and I learned two months ago that I thoroughly enjoy the flavors and the textures of that region’s food. So it isn’t just that I learned I like Ethiopian, but it was also a reminder that there is still food out there in the world I have not tasted in the last 46-years of my life to discover…what a gift. As for the un-wrapped, messier gifts? I learned that I still have a tendency to over extend my time to others at the detriment of my own time. As an Obliger, I know that I put everyone else ahead of me, but for some reason this year, I made it an art form. Time, money, energy, emotion…I put everyone else’s in front of my own. And I burned out a bit. But thanks to some dear friends who helped me wake up from my Obliger Coma, I am starting to learn how to be both an Obliger and someone who is comfortable putting up boundaries higher than before. Both lessons, Ethiopian and Obliger tendencies, helped me see that even the Coach can still learn and grow… Now, onto the “leaving” reflection. Here is a great example of what I am going to leave behind in 2018 from my Obliger admittance. I am going to leave behind the behavior pattern that everyone comes before me and instead, choose who I put ahead of me in terms of my own self-love, attention, and healing. Because Amy Magyar is as important as those I support. And in fact, if I don’t support myself, I can’t support those around me that I love dearly. The “leaving behind” reflection helps us see what we don’t want to bring with us into the new year and reminds us that we do have a choice between what we will and won’t bring with us. Empowering for me to say the least. I hope for you as well. My learning and leaving reflections are usually a total of a page of handwritten scribble, however, this year, it might be two full pages with no white space in the margin. But I don’t think that is a bad thing. I don’t feel sorry for myself that there are more things for me to leave in the old year – it just means I am that much smarter…and by leaving them, lighter, in both body and mind. Not sure what you learned in 2018? Not sure what you want to leave in 2018? Reach out to us and book an exploratory session with us – I have no doubt our team can help you make 2019 an incredible learning year! And on a final note, thank you to all of our wonderful clients and organizations that we work with. Each one of you brings incredible wisdom to us and it is an honor to watch you grow! And to my team of Coaches and Writers, thank you for all of the wisdom you bring to our Clients! Learning and Leaving, Coach Amy  |
AuthorThe authors of these blogs include incredible Coaches and Writers at FromWithin Coaching who are inspired to share their thoughts, ideas, comments, and possibilities with YOU, the reader. Archives
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