The beauty of “good enough.”
I am a recovering “perfectionist.” I have been working hard for years to go from “everything HAS to be perfect” to letting in Brené Brown’s theory of “good enough.” Raised by a feminist single Mom, “good enough” wasn’t going to cut it for me, her little girl. “PERFECT,” although she never used that term, was what she encouraged me to aim for. It wasn’t her fault, lots of Moms were helping their young daughters in the ‘70s navigate the new message of “we burned our bras so you can be anything you want to be” and the added pressure to those of us who wanted to make those women proud. For years, when I aimed for "perfection," I was rewarded for that effort. It got me plenty of job offers, big salaries, and important job titles. It also gave me a lifetime of anxiety and perfection paralysis. I am not sure that way of living was worth any fancy job title or big salary. So, I’ve been trying something different. I quit aiming to be perfect, and instead, continue to aim for imperfect. And I take inspiration in the words of three amazing women who remind me it is safe for me to be imperfect. Coach Lindsey wrote an incredible blog recently on being a Beginner and the beauty of Beginner’s Mind…Not sure what Beginner’s Mind is? Lindsey reminds us that it is a Zen Buddhist belief that “when you embrace being a beginner at something, you are your most open and vulnerable. Therefore, you are in a state of constant learning and experimentation. You actively work on non-comparison and non-judgment because well, you’re just starting out. There’s no need to know everything.” Thanks, Lindsey, for that reminder. You know what I think is the best part of being a beginner? Beginners don’t have to be perfect. You get to do it messy. You get to do it “just so.” You basically have a “get out of jail free card” that allows you to be as imperfect as you want. But what has always amazed me is how uncomfortable folks are being in the “beginner’s stage.” We seem to immediately strive to be “perfect” at things that we just learned. Who in the world can actually achieve this kind of success? Not many actually, yet so many try to achieve this herculean feat. I say stay a beginner for a while and enjoy the freedom! Live in the imperfection of being a beginner and relish the learning. Other than taking on beginner’s mind, how does one take steps in becoming a recovering perfectionist? Well, keep being perfect, but change what you are perfect in. With this in mind, let me be honest, I am still a perfectionist, but I am perfect at being imperfect. It allows me to strive for success in something, all be it a bit different success than most people strive for. By being imperfect, you finally recognize your ego voice exactly for what it is: You are your own personal Success Prevention Expert. And that expert keeps you stuck. And that keeps you “as-is.” So, by my thinking, perfectionism actually keeps you stuck. And is the opposite of growth, that thing that so many perfectionists aim for. Ironic, right? I look to my “spirit animal,” Elizabeth Gilbert, who shares in Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear that, “I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more that a deep existential angst the says, again and again, ‘I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.” And finally, thank you to Coach Erika Gerdes who recently wrote in one of her recent blogs about her own inner critics that have kept her from making even the tiniest of movement, much less action that is perfect. Her honest, vulnerable blog inspired me to say it again, “let’s kick perfectionism to the curb and celebrate that we are enough!” If asking you to completely give up your perfectionism is too much, why don’t we aim at being perfect at being imperfect? Let’s nail that…my gut says we will get more done. And feel a hell of a lot better. Sounds perfect, right? -Coach Amy Have you watched it? Or did the trailer scare you? With me it was the latter. It scared the living daylights out of me and I was about to never come back. But I came back and dared to watch it. Once I got used to the tone of voice and the images, I tried to enjoy it. You guessed it right, I am referring to Birdbox the movie with Sandra Bullock. She did a great job. Her lead role here was like hers in The Blind Side. In both films she takes care of others and does it very well.
I was fascinated to see how she used the birds in her birdbox to notify her that danger was coming or that she was in the middle of it. At the same time people had to close their eyes otherwise they would become victims of a force or notable enemy. In Birdbox, I saw analogies with my work as a Career Coach. When clients come to me for career coaching, eight out of ten times it is because they are blindfolded or do not rely on their warning system. They are not able to see, or only vaguely see, that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Life throws things at them which might be hard to digest or overcome. They do not recognize their own talents, or do not feel appreciated for them. Being blindfolded does not help you see what is out there and so it is nice to have a sounding board like me to help you get a clear vision on your talents, strengths and how to apply them wisely and effectively in your life and career. The upside to being blindfolded is that you are forced to concentrate on your other senses: hearing, touch, smell and taste. Although it is not a sense, I like to add intuition or gut feeling to this list. Your gut feeling or intuition in my opinion would be your Birdbox. More and more I have learned to rely on my intuition in life and in general. It will tell me whether I like the situation I am in or whether I would be able to work well with a prospective coachee. My birdbox is filled with intuition that helps me in daily life and with the choices I make. My question for you would be: What is in your Birdbox? This box is a toolbox containing all kinds of tools that make you aware of situations, people, and most importantly, Yourself. Are you blindfolded in your career? Do you know what is in your Birdbox? Would you like to figure out these things? There is an abundance of help out there. If liked what you read so far, please reach out to me or my colleagues at FromWithin Coaching. - L.J. Nieulant |
AuthorThe authors of these blogs include incredible Coaches and Writers at FromWithin Coaching who are inspired to share their thoughts, ideas, comments, and possibilities with YOU, the reader. Archives
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