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Thoughts, Ideas, Comments, and Possibilities

Before the Blowup: Catching Yourself Is Your Superpower (Part 2 of Respond vs React)

6/12/2025

 
You’ve probably felt it before—that sudden rush of heat, the sharp retort forming, the inner monologue that sounds more courtroom than conversation. That’s a reaction.

If you read Part 1 of this series, you already know: Reacting is a reflex. Responding is a choice.
But here’s the secret Part 1 didn’t fully unpack:

You can’t make that choice unless you notice what’s happening in the first place.

That flicker of awareness--“Wait, I’m about to lose it…”—is your access point to power. It’s the half-second where you can either hit “send” or back slowly away from the keyboard. And that moment? It’s not luck. It’s a skill.

Let’s talk about how to catch reacting before it catches you.


First, Know Your Tells
You can’t intercept the punchline if you don’t see the setup.
Reactions don’t just appear out of nowhere—they have a warm-up act. A tightening jaw. The urge to “educate” someone mid-meeting. That familiar internal monologue that starts with “Oh hell no…” These are your signals. Your nervous system is basically throwing you a pre-show announcement: “Buckle up—drama incoming.”

Start by learning what your personal reaction runway looks like.
Some usual suspects:
  • Shoulders slowly migrating toward your ears
  • Holding your breath like you’re about to dive
  • Internal commentary that includes the phrase “as usual…”
  • A sudden desire to talk faster, louder, or not at all
  • The compulsion to win, fix, shut down, or storm off
You don’t need to judge these. You just need to catch them. Noticing doesn’t prevent the reaction, but it slows the roll—and that’s where your real leverage lives.

Ask yourself:
  • What happens in my body when I start to feel triggered?
  • What thoughts show up first?
  • Do I shut down, ramp up, or go Law & Order full defense attorney?
Once you spot the pattern, you’ve already started shifting it.
 

Second, Create Micro-Moments of PauseThe goal isn’t eternal Zen. It’s 10 seconds of sanity.
Once you notice the spark, you don’t need a meditation retreat. You need a beat. A sliver of space. A moment to say, “Wait—do I want to go full drama here, or maybe just...not?”
Think of it like hitting the “save draft” button on your nervous system.

Ways to create a micro-pause:
  • Take a breath like your life depends on it (because it kind of does)
  • Put your feet flat on the floor like you mean it
  • Touch something cold (bonus if it's not your coffee)
  • Say—silently or out loud—things like:
               o   “This doesn’t have to be urgent.”
               o   “Pause. Then choose.”
               o   “I can respond, not react.”
               o   “What is the truth?”
The moment you notice and don’t override it? Boom. Pattern interrupted.
 

Third, Normalize the Catch (Even Mid-Meltdown)Mid-sentence is not too late.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to be a monk to course-correct. You can pause mid-sigh, mid-snap, or even mid-sarcastic monologue and still salvage the moment.
Most of us think: “Well, I already reacted, guess this is who I am now.” Not true. You can pivot anywhere in the sequence. Even better? You can call it out with honesty and a little grace.

Try saying:
  • “That came out sharper than I meant. Let me try again.”
  • “I just noticed I’m reacting. Mind if we rewind 15 seconds?”
  • “Pause—I’m not proud of how that started.”
  • “Actually, I’m realizing I’m getting a little reactive—can we pause for a second?”
  • “Let me start that again. I want to come at this differently.”
  • “I just noticed I was speaking from frustration, not clarity.”
  • “Actually, let me pause and try that again.”
  • “I just noticed I was reacting—can we rewind a second?”
  • “That came out sharper than I meant. Let me rephrase.”

This not only changes the emotional tone of the interaction—it builds trust. It shows the other person (and yourself) that you’re willing to choose presence over performance, and connection over control.

Reacting doesn’t make you bad. It makes you human.

Catching it? That’s the flex. That’s what turns autopilot into intentionality.

Every time you notice—mid-eye-roll, mid-overexplaining, mid-email-draft—you reclaim your agency. And over time, the noticing gets faster, the pausing gets easier, and the responses get clearer.

Noticing is the work.
Choosing again is the practice.
And that practice? That’s how you lead
, with clarity, not chaos.

​Coming next: Part 3—what to do when you’ve already reacted and want to repair, re-center, or not spiral into self-blame.
-Amy Magyar, PCC, ICF Mentor Coach (and Recovering Reactor!)



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