It is normal this time of the year for my clients to ask what I think about New Year’s Resolutions. In fact, it happened just today. For those that know me well, they know that I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions (well, I did once, it was that I was never going to make another New Year’s Resolution ever again.) But this time of the year, we celebrate not only the new year ahead, but how we want to move into it differently from the year before. I’d like to suggest something I have been playing with for years instead of New Year’s Resolutions…I write two reflection pieces – one that is designed for me to reflect on what I learned during the prior year and one that helps me decide what to leave behind in the old year. I’ll unpack each in case you are interested in trying these reflections out instead of resolutions…
The first – the “learning” reflection – is one that I have done now for ten years….it helps me catalog, inventory, and noodle over what the last year has brought to me in terms of lessons. As many of you have heard me say, failure is not the opposite of success, but instead lessons are. We have much to learn when life doesn’t go as planned…sure, these lessons are un-gift-wrapped messes on the outside but they are gems of wisdom when we open them up and truly look at them.
So, my lesson list for 2018 is one that I will share both the lessons learned, positive and negative ones. An example of each is that I learned I enjoy Ethiopian food. An amazing restaurant offers a monthly meal of Ethiopian delights, and I learned two months ago that I thoroughly enjoy the flavors and the textures of that region’s food. So it isn’t just that I learned I like Ethiopian, but it was also a reminder that there is still food out there in the world I have not tasted in the last 46-years of my life to discover…what a gift.
As for the un-wrapped, messier gifts? I learned that I still have a tendency to over extend my time to others at the detriment of my own time. As an Obliger, I know that I put everyone else ahead of me, but for some reason this year, I made it an art form. Time, money, energy, emotion…I put everyone else’s in front of my own. And I burned out a bit. But thanks to some dear friends who helped me wake up from my Obliger Coma, I am starting to learn how to be both an Obliger and someone who is comfortable putting up boundaries higher than before. Both lessons, Ethiopian and Obliger tendencies, helped me see that even the Coach can still learn and grow…
Now, onto the “leaving” reflection. Here is a great example of what I am going to leave behind in 2018 from my Obliger admittance. I am going to leave behind the behavior pattern that everyone comes before me and instead, choose who I put ahead of me in terms of my own self-love, attention, and healing. Because Amy Magyar is as important as those I support. And in fact, if I don’t support myself, I can’t support those around me that I love dearly. The “leaving behind” reflection helps us see what we don’t want to bring with us into the new year and reminds us that we do have a choice between what we will and won’t bring with us. Empowering for me to say the least. I hope for you as well.
My learning and leaving reflections are usually a total of a page of handwritten scribble, however, this year, it might be two full pages with no white space in the margin. But I don’t think that is a bad thing. I don’t feel sorry for myself that there are more things for me to leave in the old year – it just means I am that much smarter…and by leaving them, lighter, in both body and mind.
Not sure what you learned in 2018? Not sure what you want to leave in 2018? Reach out to us and book an exploratory session with us – I have no doubt our team can help you make 2019 an incredible learning year!
And on a final note, thank you to all of our wonderful clients and organizations that we work with. Each one of you brings incredible wisdom to us and it is an honor to watch you grow! And to my team of Coaches and Writers, thank you for all of the wisdom you bring to our Clients!
Learning and Leaving,